Bible Study: Women with unbelieving husbands

THE VOW SHE MADE vs. THE COMMANDMENT HE MADE Understanding Numbers 30, Biblical Vows, Household Authority, and the Woman's Obligation to Obey YAHWEH A DOCTRINAL TREATISE & BIBLE STUDY First Harvest Ministries International Rev. John Shane Vaughn — Founder & Apostolic Overseer INTRODUCTION: WHY THIS STUDY IS NECESSARY This study accompanies a pastoral correction I have issued concerning something I previously taught the women of this ministry. For years I taught that a believing wife should obey her husband even when an unbelieving husband prohibited her from keeping the Sabbath, attending YAHWEH's appointed Feasts, keeping the dietary law, paying tithe, or otherwise obeying what she understood YAHWEH to have commanded. My reasoning was not based upon contempt for women. Neither was it based merely upon tradition. I believed I had Torah for it. The passage that formed much of the foundation for my former position was Numbers chapter 30, where Torah expressly permits a husband, under particular circumstances, to disallow a vow made by his wife. But after returning to this passage and examining its language, context, economic setting, and surrounding Torah, I now believe I made a fundamental interpretive mistake. I confused: THE VOW SHE MADE with: THE COMMANDMENT YAHWEH MADE. Those are not the same thing. This study will demonstrate the difference. Read it with your Bible open. Check every reference. Do not take a single point on my authority — I have already been wrong on this subject once while quoting Torah. PART ONE — READ THE PASSAGE THAT CREATED THE QUESTION Before interpreting Numbers 30, we must actually read it. Torah says concerning a man: "If a man vow a vow unto YAHWEH, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth." — Numbers 30:2 Then Torah addresses a daughter living in her father's house. If she makes a vow and her father hears it and remains silent, the vow stands. But if her father disallows it when he hears it, she is released. Then comes the passage concerning the married woman: "And if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered ought out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul; And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her in the day that he heard it: then her vows shall stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand. But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and YAHWEH shall forgive her." — Numbers 30:6–8 There is no question that Torah gives the husband authority in this situation. The husband can disallow the vow. That fact must not be explained away. That was precisely why this passage influenced my former teaching. But our question must now become: WHAT EXACTLY DID YAHWEH AUTHORIZE THE HUSBAND TO ANNUL? The text answers us. "When she vowed..." "Her vows..." "Her bonds..." "Her vow which she vowed..." "That which she uttered with her lips..." Notice the repeated emphasis. SOMETHING CAME OUT OF HER MOUTH. She voluntarily created an obligation. That observation will become critical. PART TWO — WHAT IS A VOW? The Hebrew noun translated "vow" is: רדֶנֶ — NEDER It comes from the Hebrew verb: רדֶנֶ — NADAR The basic idea is to vow, promise, or voluntarily obligate oneself. A neder can refer to a promise made to YAHWEH and can also refer concretely to the thing promised. Therefore a vow is not simply another word for "commandment." That distinction must be understood. A commandment begins with YAHWEH's will. A vow begins with the worshiper's voluntary declaration. A commandment says: "YAHWEH REQUIRES THIS." A vow says: "I VOLUNTARILY BIND MYSELF TO THIS." That is the first key to Numbers 30. PART THREE — THE VERSE IMMEDIATELY BEFORE NUMBERS 30 Chapter divisions were not part of the original Hebrew manuscripts. Therefore we must not allow the number 30 printed in our modern Bibles to disconnect the passage from what Moses has just been discussing. Look at the verse immediately before Numbers 30. "These things ye shall do unto YAHWEH in your set feasts, beside your vows, and your freewill offerings, for your burnt offerings, and for your meat offerings, and for your drink offerings, and for your peace offerings." — Numbers 29:39 Then Moses begins discussing vows. That proximity matters. The Torah has just mentioned: VOWS. FREEWILL OFFERINGS. BURNT OFFERINGS. MEAL OFFERINGS. DRINK OFFERINGS. PEACE OFFERINGS. and immediately afterward discusses the binding nature of vows. This connection was recognized by the medieval Jewish commentator Ramban (Nachmanides). Ramban specifically explained that the section concerning vows appears here because Numbers 29:39 had just mentioned vows made concerning sanctuary offerings. Therefore the connection between Numbers 29:39 and Numbers 30 is not something we have invented to support our doctrine. It has been recognized in historic Jewish interpretation. PART FOUR — VOWS COULD CREATE REAL FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS Now turn to Leviticus chapter 27. This chapter demonstrates what biblical vows could look like economically. The chapter discusses vowed or dedicated: PERSONS UNDER VALUATION. ANIMALS. HOUSES. FIELDS. and their monetary redemption or valuation. These were not merely emotional promises. A religious declaration could create an economic obligation. Deuteronomy likewise teaches: "When thou shalt vow a vow unto YAHWEH thy Elohim, thou shalt not slack to pay it..." — Deuteronomy 23:21 Notice the language: PAY IT. Once voluntarily undertaken, the obligation became serious. Ecclesiastes later echoes the same principle: "When thou vowest a vow unto Elohim, defer not to pay it..." — Ecclesiastes 5:4 A vow was voluntary before it was made. But once made, it became obligatory. That explains why Torah had to regulate who could create such obligations within a household. PART FIVE — THE ECONOMIC INTERPRETATION OF NUMBERS 30 Modern Old Testament scholar Baruch Levine has argued that Numbers 30 should be understood substantially in economic terms. His interpretation is that the legislation restricted the ability of dependent women to create verbal commitments involving cost and value. The logic is straightforward. Suppose a daughter living in her father's household says: "YAHWEH, I vow this animal unto You." Who owns the animal? Who provides for the daughter? Who bears responsibility for the household property? Likewise suppose a married woman says: "YAHWEH, I vow ten sheep unto You." If those sheep are household property, her vow has done something beyond expressing personal devotion. SHE HAS CREATED AN ECONOMIC OBLIGATION FOR THE HOUSEHOLD. The father or husband therefore hears the vow and must either allow it to stand or disallow it according to Torah. This provides a coherent explanation for Numbers 30. The husband isn't cancelling something YAHWEH commanded. He is preventing a voluntary religious commitment from disposing of household resources without his consent. PART SIX — AN IMPORTANT QUALIFICATION We must be precise here. The Hebrew word neder does not mean exclusively "a financial donation." Scripture uses vows more broadly. Numbers 6 describes the Nazirite vow. Hannah vows concerning Samuel. And Numbers 30 itself names a second category: "Every vow, and every binding oath to afflict the soul, her husband may establish it, or her husband may make it void." — Numbers 30:13 An oath to afflict the soul is a vow of fasting, abstinence, or self-denial. It gives nothing away — but it withholds something from the household: the wife's strength, her presence, her body. Therefore we should not teach: "Every biblical vow was simply money." That would go beyond the evidence. The stronger and more defensible conclusion is: BIBLICAL VOWS WERE VOLUNTARY OBLIGATIONS, MANY OF WHICH CREATED REAL SACRIFICIAL, PROPERTY, ECONOMIC, OR HOUSEHOLD CONSEQUENCES. And Numbers 30 regulates the ability of members of a household to create such voluntary obligations. In every case the pattern is the same: she created it, YAHWEH did not command it, and it touches a household that is not hers alone. That distinction is sufficient for the doctrine we are establishing. PART SEVEN — THE WIDOW IS THE CONTROL CASE Now we come to what may be one of the most revealing verses in the entire chapter. "But every vow of a widow, and of her that is divorced, wherewith they have bound their souls, shall stand against her." — Numbers 30:9 Read that again. THE WIDOW IS STILL A WOMAN. Her sex did not change. Yet the legal result changed dramatically. When the daughter living in her father's house makes the vow, her father can disallow it. When the married woman makes the vow, her husband can disallow it. But when the widow or divorced woman makes the vow: HER VOW SHALL STAND AGAINST HER. Why? This strongly indicates that womanhood itself was not the issue. The woman's household status has changed. The daughter was within her father's household. The wife was within the marital household. The widow or divorced woman occupies a different legal position. And therefore: SHE MAKES THE VOW. SHE BEARS THE OBLIGATION. SHE MUST FULFILL THE VOW. This destroys the idea that Numbers 30 establishes a universal principle that a woman cannot make religious decisions before YAHWEH without male approval. If that were the principle, the widow would still need some man to approve her vow. But Torah says nothing of the sort. Instead: "HER VOW... SHALL STAND." This is crucial. PART EIGHT — THREE WOMEN, THREE HOUSEHOLD SITUATIONS Put the chapter side by side. THE DAUGHTER She lives within her father's household. She makes the vow. Father hears. Father remains silent: THE VOW STANDS. Father timely disallows: THE VOW IS RELEASED. THE WIFE She lives within the marital household. She makes the vow. Husband hears. Husband remains silent: THE VOW STANDS. Husband timely disallows: THE VOW IS RELEASED. THE WIDOW OR DIVORCED WOMAN She makes the vow. Torah says: THE VOW STANDS AGAINST HER. This pattern strongly points toward household responsibility, not male ownership of a woman's conscience. PART NINE — HANNAH GIVES US A REAL WOMAN MAKING A VOW Now consider Hannah. "And she vowed a vow, and said, O YAHWEH of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid... then I will give him unto YAHWEH all the days of his life..." — 1 Samuel 1:11 Hannah voluntarily created an extraordinary obligation. She promised her future son to YAHWEH's service. Notice the terminology: "SHE VOWED A VOW." This was not a commandment YAHWEH had previously imposed upon every Israelite mother. Hannah voluntarily undertook it. Later Elkanah tells her: "Do what seemeth thee good... only YAHWEH establish his word." — 1 Samuel 1:23 The narrative therefore provides an important example of a woman's vow existing within marriage and being recognized rather than treated as inherently invalid. Again the issue is not that women lack spiritual agency. Women clearly could vow. Numbers 30 regulates when another household authority could disallow that voluntary obligation. PART TEN — NOW ASK THE QUESTION THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING We are finally prepared to ask the question I failed to ask in my former teaching: IS THE SABBATH A VOW? No. A woman does not wake up Sabbath morning and say: "I voluntarily vow to create a Sabbath obligation for myself." YAHWEH already spoke: "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy." — Exodus 20:8 The obligation originated with YAHWEH. There is therefore nothing originating from the woman's mouth for her husband to annul. And notice something further. When YAHWEH gave the Sabbath, He named exactly who was bound by it: "But the seventh day is the sabbath of YAHWEH thy Elohim: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates." — Exodus 20:10 Thy daughter. Thy maidservant. The head of the household is named first — not as the one who may withhold the Sabbath from his household, but as the one responsible to see that everyone in it keeps it. The daughter is commanded. The maidservant is commanded. Even the ox is covered. YAHWEH did not leave the Sabbath of the women in Israel to the discretion of the men in Israel. HE COMMANDED IT TO THEM DIRECTLY. PART ELEVEN — ARE YAHWEH'S FEASTS HER VOW? Again: NO. Leviticus 23 begins: "Concerning the feasts of YAHWEH, which ye shall proclaim to be holy convocations, even these are my feasts." — Leviticus 23:2 Notice whose Feasts they are. "MY FEASTS." They are not the wife's invention. They are not her voluntary religious promise. She did not create them. And as with the Sabbath, the Feast is commanded to the whole household by name: "And thou shalt rejoice in thy feast, thou, and thy son, and thy daughter, and thy manservant, and thy maidservant..." — Deuteronomy 16:14 Therefore her husband cannot convert YAHWEH's appointed time into a Numbers 30 vow merely because he disagrees with her obedience. PART TWELVE — IS THE DIETARY LAW HER VOW? The same test applies to what she eats. "Ye shall therefore put difference between clean beasts and unclean... And ye shall be holy unto me: for I YAHWEH am holy." — Leviticus 20:25–26 The woman did not decide that swine's flesh is unclean. YAHWEH did. She did not vow abstinence from it. YAHWEH commanded it. Now be careful here, because the dietary law is the one place where a husband may think Numbers 30 applies — because it looks like an "oath to afflict the soul." A wife refusing certain foods looks, on the surface, like a voluntary self- denial that Numbers 30:13 lets him void. But look again at what makes a self-affliction vow annullable: it originated from her mouth. The Nazirite chose to abstain from wine. Hannah chose to give up her son. Those were hers to make and, under Numbers 30, another's to disallow. The clean and unclean distinction never came out of her mouth. It came out of YAHWEH's. Therefore it is not a vow, and it cannot be annulled. Her husband may set his own table however he pleases. He may not require her to eat what YAHWEH has called an abomination. And she, for her part, must not weaponize the dietary law against his table — she prepares what he wants, she eats what YAHWEH permits, and she does both without contempt. PART THIRTEEN — WHAT ABOUT THE TITHE? This requires careful distinction. If a woman says: "I voluntarily promise FHMI $5,000 from our jointly owned savings account," that raises a legitimate household-property issue. She cannot use religious language to dispose unilaterally of property she does not exclusively control. But that is not identical to a woman earning wages, possessing lawful control over those funds, and paying what she understands Scripture to require as tithe. The theological question is different because she understands herself not to be creating a voluntary obligation but fulfilling a pre-existing divine command. Therefore we must distinguish: VOLUNTARY GIVING from COMMANDED GIVING. And we must distinguish: PROPERTY SHE HAS AUTHORITY TO DISPOSE OF from PROPERTY BELONGING TO SOMEONE ELSE OR JOINTLY CONTROLLED. Religion cannot be used to justify taking another person's property. But neither can property authority be expanded into authority over another believer's conscience before YAHWEH. The practical rule for the wives of this ministry is simple: tithe on your income only. Never on his. Never on what is jointly his. That keeps your obedience inside Numbers 30's boundary and outside your husband's legitimate objection. PART FOURTEEN — THE MODERN AUTOMOBILE TEST Here is perhaps the simplest way to teach Numbers 30 to our congregation. Suppose Sister Mary stands during a service and announces: "YAHWEH has blessed me, and I vow our family automobile to First Harvest Ministries." Her husband says: "Absolutely not. That automobile belongs to our household." The husband has not commanded her to sin. YAHWEH never commanded her to give FHMI that automobile. SHE CREATED THE OBLIGATION. Her religious enthusiasm cannot transfer ownership of property she does not possess authority to give. FHMI should therefore refuse to participate in taking that property over the legitimate owner's objection. But suppose the husband says: "You are forbidden to worship YAHWEH on Sabbath because I don't believe in Sabbath." Something entirely different has happened. She did not create Sabbath. She did not vow Sabbath. She did not volunteer Sabbath. YAHWEH COMMANDED SABBATH. The husband is no longer merely preventing his property from being voluntarily pledged. He is attempting to govern another believer's obedience to what she understands YAHWEH to have commanded. Numbers 30 does not give him that authority. PART FIFTEEN — WHO CREATED THE OBLIGATION? This question unlocks the entire study. When the woman says: "I VOW..." the obligation originates from her mouth. Numbers 30 becomes relevant. But when YAHWEH says: "THOU SHALT..." the obligation originates from His mouth. Numbers 30 cannot turn YAHWEH's commandment into the woman's vow. Therefore: HER VOW MAY BE ANNULLED. HIS COMMANDMENT CANNOT BE. PART SIXTEEN — "AND YAHWEH SHALL FORGIVE HER" Before going further we must answer the objection that arises from the text itself. Numbers 30:8 ends: "and YAHWEH shall forgive her." And Numbers 30:15 says of the husband who voids her vow late: "But if he shall any ways make them void after that he hath heard them; then he shall bear her iniquity." — Numbers 30:15 A wife will read those two verses and conclude: "If my husband forbids me, YAHWEH forgives me — and if there is any iniquity in it, he bears it, not me." Read carefully what she is forgiven for. She is forgiven for the vow she did not fulfill. She promised something to YAHWEH with her own lips; her husband disallowed it; YAHWEH releases her from the promise she made. There is no verse anywhere in Torah that says: "If her husband forbids the Sabbath, YAHWEH shall forgive her." "If her husband forbids the Feast, he shall bear her iniquity." The forgiveness of Numbers 30 covers an unkept vow. It has never covered a broken commandment. And "he shall bear her iniquity" is not a loophole for the wife. It is a warning to the man. Ask yourself whether you truly want your unbelieving husband to stand before YAHWEH carrying your Sabbath. PART SEVENTEEN — SUBMISSION DOES NOT MEAN ABSOLUTE OBEDIENCE Now we must harmonize Numbers 30 with the New Testament teaching concerning marriage. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Master." — Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Master." — Colossians 3:18 The words "IN THE MASTER" matter. Human authority exists beneath divine authority. The principle appears throughout Scripture. When human authorities ordered the apostles to cease doing what Elohim required, Peter and the other apostles answered: "We ought to obey Elohim rather than men." — Acts 5:29 This was spoken in relation to civil and religious authorities rather than marriage, but it establishes the broader principle: HUMAN AUTHORITY IS NOT ABSOLUTE. And there is no biblical reason to believe that this principle disappears when the believer happens to be a wife. "BUT IT SAYS IN EVERY THING" Someone will answer from two verses later: "Therefore as the assembly is subject unto Messiah, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." — Ephesians 5:24 In every thing. But look at the pattern Paul gives. The wife's submission is patterned after the assembly's submission to Messiah. Why can the assembly submit to Messiah "in every thing"? Because Messiah never commands the assembly to sin. The husband's headship is modeled on a Head who never once told His Bride to break the Sabbath, skip the Feast, eat the unclean thing, or rob YAHWEH. The moment a husband commands what Messiah would never command, he has stepped outside the pattern — and the pattern is the boundary of the "every thing." PART EIGHTEEN — THE UNBELIEVING HUSBAND Paul specifically anticipates marriages in which a woman believes while her husband does not. "And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him... For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband?" — 1 Corinthians 7:13, 16 Notice something important. Paul does not say: "Because he is her husband, his unbelief determines her religion." She remains the believing wife. He remains the unbelieving husband. Her marriage did not erase her individual relationship with Elohim. Peter speaks to the very same woman: "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear." — 1 Peter 3:1–2 Read what Peter assumes. He assumes the husband does not obey the Word. He assumes the wife does. He tells her to remain in subjection — and he tells her why: so that her husband may be won by her conduct. Won to what? To the Word she is keeping. Peter's entire instruction collapses if the wife stops keeping the Word the moment her husband objects. There would be nothing left to win him to. The wife's calling is not to become an unbeliever in order to demonstrate submission to an unbeliever. Her conduct should be respectful. Her disposition should be godly. Her marriage should be protected wherever possible. But: SHE CANNOT DISOBEY YAHWEH IN ORDER TO PROVE THAT SHE IS A SUBMISSIVE WIFE. PART NINETEEN — WHEN THE HUSBAND CREATES THE CHOICE Suppose the unbelieving husband says: "You must choose between obeying me and obeying YAHWEH." The wife did not create that conflict. HE DID. He has attempted to place himself where only YAHWEH belongs — at the source of her obligation. And Torah has already told us what happens when a man tries to stand there. Marriage did not originate with man. YAHWEH established it. Therefore the authority of a husband exists under the authority of YAHWEH, and delegated authority can never exceed the authority that delegated it. A husband cannot take authority YAHWEH gave him and use it to command rebellion against the very YAHWEH who gave it. When he forces the choice, the wife's answer is not rebellion. It is the only answer Scripture permits: "I chose you as my husband. I did not choose you as my Creator. I will honor you in everything He has given you authority over. I cannot follow you where He has not." She does not leave him. She does not shame him. She does not preach at him. She keeps the commandment, quietly, and lets him watch. PART TWENTY — WOMEN WHO OBEYED YAHWEH RATHER THAN MEN Do not think this principle is new, or that it is a modern loosening of Torah. It is older than Sinai. Shiphrah and Puah. The king of Egypt — the highest male authority in their world — commanded the Hebrew midwives to kill the sons of Israel. "But the midwives feared Elohim, and did not as the king of Egypt commanded them..." — Exodus 1:17 And what did YAHWEH do? "Therefore Elohim dealt well with the midwives... he made them houses." — Exodus 1:20–21 He did not rebuke them for insubordination. He built them houses. Abigail. Her husband Nabal made a decision that would have destroyed his entire household. Without his knowledge, and against his stated will, she went and did what was right before YAHWEH — and David said to her: "Blessed be YAHWEH Elohim of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me: and blessed be thy advice..." — 1 Samuel 25:32–33 Scripture never once calls Abigail a rebellious wife. It calls her a woman of good understanding. When a woman fears YAHWEH more than she fears a man, Scripture does not record it as rebellion. IT RECORDS IT AS FAITH. PART TWENTY-ONE — THE BOUNDARY OF SUBMISSION Let us now state the doctrine plainly. Biblical submission is real. A wife honors her husband, respects him, seeks peace in her home, and does not use religion as an excuse for rebellion, disrespect, hostility, manipulation, or neglect of her household. Numbers 30 is real. A wife may not voluntarily obligate her husband's property or her household's resources. If she does, he may annul it, and YAHWEH will forgive her the vow. But Numbers 30 has a boundary. It reaches what came out of her mouth. It does not reach what came out of YAHWEH's. Therefore: A husband may annul her vow. He cannot annul YAHWEH's commandment. A father may annul his daughter's vow. He cannot annul YAHWEH's Sabbath. A pastor may correct his people. He cannot release them from what YAHWEH has commanded. NO MAN CAN ANNUL WHAT YAHWEH HAS COMMANDED. This does not destroy submission. It defines its boundary. SUMMARY TABLE THE VOW SHE MADE ●Originates from her mouth ●Voluntary before it is made ●May bind household property or self-denial ●Numbers 30 applies ●Husband or father may annul it ●YAHWEH forgives the unkept vow THE COMMANDMENT YAHWEH MADE ●Originates from His mouth ●Never voluntary ●Sabbath, Feasts, dietary law, tithe of her own income ●Numbers 30 does not apply ●No man may annul it ●No verse forgives a commandment broken at a husband's word STUDY QUESTIONS For personal study or small-group discussion. Answer from the text, not from memory. 1. Read Numbers 30:1–16 in full. List every phrase that identifies what the husband or father may annul. Does any phrase refer to a commandment of YAHWEH? 2. What is the difference between a neder (vow) and a mitzvah (commandment)? Give one example of each from Scripture. 3. Why does the verse immediately before Numbers 30 (Numbers 29:39) matter for understanding the chapter? What kinds of obligations had Moses just been discussing? 4. Explain why the widow of Numbers 30:9 is the "control case." What does her situation prove about the reason for the husband's authority in verses 6–8? 5. Numbers 30:13 mentions oaths "to afflict the soul." How does this widen the kinds of vows a husband may annul? Why does it still not reach the dietary law? 6. Read Exodus 20:10 and Deuteronomy 16:14. Who is named as bound by the Sabbath and the Feast? What does this tell you about the head of the household's role? 7. "And YAHWEH shall forgive her" (Numbers 30:8). Forgive her for what? Is there any verse that extends this forgiveness to a broken commandment? 8. Read Ephesians 5:22–24. What is the pattern Paul gives for a wife's submission? What does that pattern tell you about the limits of "in every thing"? 9. Read 1 Peter 3:1–2. What does Peter assume the believing wife is doing while her husband "obeys not the word"? Would his instruction still make sense if she stopped? 10. In the automobile test, why may the husband refuse the gift? In the Sabbath case, why may he not? State the single question that separates the two. 11. Read Exodus 1:15–21 and 1 Samuel 25. How does Scripture describe the midwives and Abigail? Are they ever called rebellious? 12. A believing wife's unbelieving husband tells her, "I don't want you tithing." Walk through the questions she must ask: Whose income? Whose commandment? Whose conscience? What should she do, and how should she do it? Rev. John Shane Vaughn Founding Apostolic Overseer First Harvest Ministries International P.O. Box 2757, Bay St. Louis, MS 39521